I am tired of thinking about you. Feeling about you. Of waking up in a cold sweat, broken because the dream wasn’t true. Broken because it all comes crashing back to me — the way you broke my heart and stole so many pieces of me.
Everyone says time is the great healer, but it is also the great reminder. This is the day we did this. This is the day we did that. The fucking calendar won’t let me escape you even when my mind begs.
I accept the mistake. I accept it repeatedly. I accept it and blame myself and tell myself I should have been better. And then I am angry, because your behavior has made me spiral into phases of self-loathing.
Who do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are?
It’s the hustle and bustle at the departures drop off point.
The moment I show my passport.
It’s the never-ending queue, the overpriced shops, and uncomfortable seat I curl into whilst waiting at the gate.
It’s handing my ticket to the check-in agent, the breeze I feel as I make my way down the long corridor, the sardine seating, and the click of the belt across my lap.
It is the high of travel I can never. get. enough. of.
I want my feet to wander across new and old ground, my eyes to marvel at a thousand cityscapes, and my heart to quicken — and stop — at a million rich sunsets.
My home is everywhere and nowhere at all.
I wander, I look, I live, I learn.
I travel for the moments, the memories, the high.